If my words can make you smile again
even though you're feeling rough
Or help you to go on when you think you've had enough;
If they make a tiny difference when each day's just
like the last
Or remind you of some happy moment that's a long time
in the past;
If they inspire you to some great deed or selfless act
Or open up your eyes and mind to some new idea or fact,
Then my words shall be my trade, my truth, my life, my currency
And with all my love, my friend, I shall give all my words to thee.
What is IWroteThis.co.uk?
Who wrote all this stuff?
Why read this?
How do I find something of interest?
What's that logo about?
Where has TheRealGoatee.co.uk gone?
Where's all the funky JavaScript?
Where's the blog?
How can I get in touch?
Why is the layout all messed up?
Why do some pages have a different
layout and style?
Do you have a privacy policy?
What is IWroteThis.co.uk?
This is a personal website, created with tongue mostly in cheek, by me, to showcase my writing.
Right, I see... so who exactly are you?
My name is David Abbott. I live in Gloucester in the UK. My specialist subject is film: writing, producing, shooting, distributing, exhibiting - it all fascinates me. But that's just a hobby. Day-to-day, I'm a software engineer and hence, by definition, one of the most boring people on the planet.
Boring? So why should I read what you have to say, then?
Because I have been reliably informed on a number of occasions (albeit mostly by my Mum) that I write well. Writing is an escape from being a software engineer. That means that I care about it and, unlike the Man Himself, the writing is not boring. Hopefully, my writing is easy to read because it was easy to write: I don't not write for commissions, or at least, not yet, so I write solely what I want to write.
Like what?
Like whatever. Stories, reviews, songs, screenplays, feature articles, jokes, spoofs, satires and an unhealthy number of tales of death and suicide.
How do I find something I'm interested in?
The site is divided into sections, all accessible from the navigation page. The current section name is displayed near the top of each page. Click on a word to return to a previous section.
What's that pen doing in your logo? Can't you type?
Sure I type, but I make notes as well, and for that, I use my favourite pen. It's a Parker Rialto. It's heavy and well-balanced and fantastic to write with.
I've been here before and it's all changed?
True. IWroteThis.co.uk is the
fifth edition of my website.
First came PhoenixWeb and ClariNet. Then, for several years, a website under the branding "d/fine" (David's Fantastic Internet Experience). In 2000 came the first issue of TheRealGoatee.co.uk, of which, some pages remain on this current site. Two years later, the site grew up with a partial re-write into HTML 4.01 standard, making it easier to navigate and easier to update.
Life moves on and so must the site. It is no longer full of dodgy games and incomprehensible references to people that you are never particularly likely to meet. It is now a resource, an archive and a good deal more personal. The old five-pointed star logo is gone. The name d/fine is gone. TheRealGoatee.co.uk has gone, along with the beard itself. The best bits remain.
There is one slight exception that I've made. TheRealGoatee is a unique on-line "brand" and as such I still use it occasionally as a pseudonym, despite the blatant lack of facial appendage. If you run across TheRealGoatee whilst browsing the Interweb, it is very probably me.
But where's all the Flash? The JavaScript?
I am not selling anything nor am I aiming to win awards for Most Gratuitous Graphic-led Website. The site is simple to look at, simple to use. That's the philosophy. If there were any point to having Flash or JavaScript on the site, then it would be here. But there isn't.
Where's the blog?
You'll find the toilet at the end of the hall - last door on the right.
I said blog.
Ah, now, this is an embarrassment. For several years I had a notice right here on this page to the effect that, because I'm an engineer and hence dull, there is no point in keeping a journal.
Then I discovered Blogger and, more specifically, Blogspot.
There are some key advantages to keeping a blog. One is that it is updatable from anywhere in the world almost instantaneously. Since I don't have a home Internet connection any more, this is quite a valuable resource. So this is what I intend to do with my blog: when I have a stream-of-consciousness bit of writing, or I review a film or album at length for a friend, I'll also upload it to the blog. If I look at it a few weeks later and it still seems OK, I'll transfer it onto the main site. So, ladies and gentlemen, let me present: IWroteThis.co.uk Live.
I maintain: I will not keep an on-line diary. I know of nobody who would be even slightly interested in reading a journal of my day to day life.
I also used to have a proud boast at this point that this site uses no content management system. However, as the site is now some 5,200 files in size, most of them automatically generated gallery pages, this is not only inaccurate but also pretty stupid.
So, credit where it's due: I now run my photo galleries using Plogger, and I use FileZilla to upload files and Blogger to run IWroteThis.co.uk Live.
The introduction of the dynamic gallery in March 2007 has massively reduced the number of static HTML pages on this site - from which I and, no doubt, my web host, are extremely grateful.
How can I get in touch?
Visitors to d/fine may remember that there was a conscious policy to provide an e-mail address on every page so that users could send comments and corrections. This has led to unbelievable quantities of spam, mostly from automated services that trawl the web looking for e-mail addresses on web sites. Consequently, if you wish to get in touch, I'm going to have to ask you to guess my email address. It shouldn't be too tricky and I'll help you. The site is called IWroteThis.co.uk. My name is David. If you need any further help, you'll have to email me... oh, pants.
And since you're asking, I do not wish to receive any further generous offers to increase my bust size, thanks all the same. In fact, my bust is already far larger than it should be (being a man and all...). And I particularly have no desire to be contacted on any matter by someone called "Casualty I. Emancipating".
(My apologies if your name really is Casualty I. Emancipating; I expect you've just come across my website on Google and are intrigued why I'm picking on you. If you write to me about it, please could you change your name temporarily to John Smith, otherwise your message will get deleted? Thanks.)
I'm always very interested to hear from my readers. Sometimes,
correspondents are very interesting
indeed.
Why is the layout all messed up?
Chances are that you're using an old browser that doesn't support HTML 4.01. This is an open standard and there are many good reasons for supporting open standards. The best thing to do is upgrade - many if not most websites these days use HTML 4.01, so your browsing pleasure will be greatly enhanced. I write for Internet Explorer version 6 and beyond but also test everything in Firefox. They display the site slightly differently, but both more-or-less as intended. Opera appears to mess the formatting up, unfortunately; but I'm reliably informed that Safari works just fine.
Why do some pages have a different layout and style?
You are witnessing a continuous site metamorphosis. TheRealGoatee.co.uk will morph into IWroteThis.co.uk on a page by page basis.
There are over 1,000 pages on IWroteThis.co.uk and although most of these are automatically generated gallery pages, I haven't got around to updating them all to Edition 4 yet, much less Edition 5. Using CSS will help speed up future site upgrades but simply getting all the pages converted to the new format is taking a while.
All of the new-style pages have a "last updated" date. On old-style pages, assume that the content is at least as old as 30th June 2003 (when the new layout was launched) and possibly as old as some time in 2001, when the previous version of the site was launched.
Another reason why some pages may look different is that they may be part of a Special Edition. TheRealGoatee.co.uk included some special editions, including a special silver colour scheme for my 25th birthday and a NOT!TheRealGoatee.co.uk logo, having shaved off my beard.
Do you have a privacy policy?
Yes, see the terms & conditions page for details.